kindness xx

over the last couple of day i have received some wonderful gifts from some very kind and wonderful people who's kindness has really touched me and made me cry too :) but in a good happy way xx
This cute green Tye dyed baby grow ,knitted pumpkin and beautiful bracelet was my GP Autumn swap gift from the lovely Kimberley and baby Caleb x thank you so much i cant wait to put my baby elf in the baby grow :)

We were also so blessed to received a lovely parcel full of goodies from Gina and her family x the photo above is Daisy wearing the cute stripey top Gina gave us .

Daisy and Doodles posing with the lovely books we received :)

The chocolate was so yummy it didn't last long enough to be photographed :) and thank you Tarka for the lovely card xx

and today the postman brought us another parcel with this gorgeous fairy door in it from Sarah,Colin ,Alice and bump :) you really made me smile when i was feeling low today so thank you so much x xx :)

+*+bright blessing to you all +*+

Moving on

Well we are now officially all moved out of Stoke on Trent after living there for 10yrs !
The emptying of all mine and he pixies belongings from our much loved house wasn't as upsetting as i had imagined (helped by a particularly nasty phone call from Andy the day before) which made me all the more determined to get on with stuff and stop being a wet blanket !
My dad and two brothers managed to fill a very big van with all our accumulated junk which was a bit of a shock as i didn't imagine i had so much 'stuff' !
Then Sunday was another mammoth day of me sorting out what was for keeping ,what was for the charity shop and what was worth selling on ebay ! it took alllllllll day and i filled 7 charity shop bags and Grandads garage :)
The pixies were very happy to have their beds and toys back and it was comforting for me to have all my books and craft stuff back with me :)
Have stashed photo albums away under the bed so i don't feel tempted to look at them as it is just far too painful , i left all the albums of pre- children photos behind and our wedding album as i could bring myself to throw them away or to bring them with me and keep them :(

This is my pixies on the local playground which i used to play on as a child (although some of it has changed since then )

Daisy's new favourite spot is on the back of the armchair watching cars and people go past and occasionally shouting out 'MEOW' when she sees a cat :)

A walk round our village

Grandma volunteered to look after poorly Ben so me Daisy and Doodles went for a walk so i decided to take some photos of my favourite bits about our village which is completely different to what were used to living in a big smelly dirty city.

A local resident flying his helicopter out of his garden ! Daisy was amazed .

theres lots and lots of beautiful dry stone walls

and signs with cows which Daisy told me was actually a goat :)

fields full of sheep

my cutie pie Daisy.

lots of lovely rolling hills with scary cows that always give Doodles threatening looks :)

collecting autumn leaves

cattle grids

amusing house names :)

when we got home Grandma's cat 'Snowy' got so kerfuffled she fell off the fence and ended up clinging to the fence post in a desperate attempt to save her dignity :) was very funny .

big mistake

My poorly Ben has a ear infection so today we went to our new Doctors and we got given a bottle of yucky yellow banana antibiotics which hopefully will help as hes not sleeping very well .

this is the clean up operation after making some fairy cakes the important job of licking the spoons :)

Poor 'olly' that i made for Daisys 1st birthday got a wash in the washing machine and silly mummy forgot her hair was pure wool ! so now 'olly' has some rather funky dreadlocks :)

I have been feeling alot happier and started sleeping better and not having horrid dreams yay :) on sunday i met up with some of my friends i went to school with ,which was just what i needed they were so lovely and cheered me up :)

Andy wanted to meet up with me and the children so yesterday i stupidly decided to meet him with the pixies .

I dont know why i kind of expected it but seeing he had taken his wedding ring off upset me alot but i was determined not to get angry or cry about anything as i didn't wan to ruin the day for the pixies who were really happy and excited to see their daddy .

We went for something to eat at a restaurant with a big soft play area and watching Andy playing with the pixies and seeing how happy my babies were broke my heart and i couldn't help crying, i wanted to scream at him 'how could you do this to us?'

Going home on the bus i had to bite my lip to stop myself from crying.

The whole day was one big and very painful reminder of the life me and the pixies have lost .

I will defiantly not be meeting up with him again i feel like im back to square one again crying over silly things and not sleeping well and had the most horrid dreams last night :(

Got a really hard day ahead on Saturday as me and my dad and brothers are moving all our stuff out of our house in Stoke . Its going to be very upsetting packing up 7yrs of my life but im looking forward to having my craft stuff back and my books .

Fingers crossed i don't spend all Saturday in tears x

Round and round the garden

Had a hard day today, i had an appointment to meet with a solicitor about all the legal stuff to do with the house and start divorce proceedings :(
The solicitor was a bit scary and made me feel really small and crappy and she was also very negative about everything and when i explained why the i didn't want the pixies going to stay with Andy in Stoke as it would be too upsetting and confusing for them she didn't seem to think this was relevant and told me Andy should see them every weekend ! which i think upset me more than anything i feel helpless as a mummy that what i think is best for my pixies doesn't seem to matter :( but am hoping to keep the children seeing their dad between me and Andy as solicitors only seem to see in black and white .

On a happier note the pixies are doing well ,Ben has started a really lovely playgroup which we went to visit the other day ,its all play based and has all the activity's like painting and books and sand all set up and the children can chose what they want to play with .They also have a amazing outside area which they let the children play in whatever the weather :) Ben settled in really quick and looks forward to going in the mornings and is always really excited and happy when i pick him up which is really lovely to see and he is always got a lovely piece of art ,today's was a beautiful fish which we hung in the kitchen window .

Ben spent the afternoon looking for insects in the garden with his magnifying glass . He has also invented a new game called 'ball chase' which is a bit like football and rugby :) and involves lots of rolling on the floor .

Daisy is a happy little imp and always wants to be in the garden and has learnt how to put her wellys on herself but still prefers bare foot :)

Daisy playing 'roun roun' which is simply running round and round the garden .

Doodles has got herself a cough so is going to be going to the vets to make sure shes all ok , we went out last week and when we got back she had puked up a strange collection of furry limbs on the carpet ! which i first thought was a rabbit but after a autopsy we discovered it was a cuddly Lema that my mum has sat on her computer ,doodles had chewed its arms and legs off and left this poor Lema body sat on the sofa :( so goodness knows what the vet might find when they examine her !

pixie on the doorstep .

Chapter 2

Have decided to start writing my blog again as i think it will help to write about the nice things me and the pixies are doing and also somewhere to record my thoughts and feeling which maybe one day will help my pixies understand everything that's gone on .

Well we are now living in the beautiful Ribble Valley in lancashire with my mum and dad and my two brothers which is a squash and a squeeze but is the best option for me and the pixies as they have lots of family to play with and i have lots of family to help me with looking after the pixies .
They now have a big garden to play in and fields full of sheep and cows just at the end of our road ,this is everything i ever wanted for my pixies growing up in the countryside where i grew up its just not in the circumstances i ever imagined :(

I'm finding it extremely difficult dealing with everything that's happened and miss our old life so badly and miss having Andy to talk to about everyday stuff and our pixies , its like grieving for all hopes and dreams that we have lost but i hope with every passing day it will get easier and the pixies are my inspiration and keep me strong x

The pixies are settling in to our new life ok it has taken awhile but we are getting there and they absolutely love playing with their uncles in the garden .

a new life

im going will be taking a breakfrom blogging as at the moment things have gone very bad and i dont feel i want to blogg about bad things but am feel unable to blogg about anything good at the moment .
me and the pixies are moving out of our home to go and live with my mum and dad in lancashire ,Andy has left me for someone else so my heart has to do some seriouse healing and i have to try to make the move as gentle as possible for the pixies .
Baby pixie is ok although im worried about the effect of all this stress and negativity .
will hopefully start blogging when things are more settled and happier and i can share our new life in lancashire .

love to all